harryvann
About harryvann
Posts by Harry Vann:
- Landscapes
- Life
- Photos
- Poetry
- Portraits
- Privacy
- Productivity
- Queer Portrait Gallery
- Social Media
- Web Design
- work
How can you know what you want to do in life, if you don’t know who you are?
This is quite a sensitive one for me, as I really only now feel like I have found myself at the age of 26 (almost 27).
For years I have been floating around this society, trying to impress, or mimicking other people’s behaviour because I thought it was cool. Underneath this mask though I was a shell of a person, truly unsure of every decision I made.
I remember going through school, with most around me looking like they had a direction and a solid understanding of their career. If not, at least they had some knowledge of who they were so could form a general direction.
However, on the other side of the spectrum was me (and probably many others). A closeted queer person, just trying desperately not to be found out or stand out. Living each day behind that mask. Laughing at things that I didn’t find funny. Going along with something I didn’t agree with. Bullying people because my ‘friend’ thought it was funny. Wearing boring clothing that everyone else wore.
When it came to deciding what to do for university, I remember having very little interest or drive to research a super interesting place where I could fit in, or get the most from a course. Thinking back, I was standing there with my mum at after an uneventful open day at Manchester Uni, and her saying ‘what is it you actually enjoy doing!?’.
I took a decision to study a techie degree as I did have that passion (thank god).
Now, I am in a really good place, with a skilled job, respect from my peers and friends. All because I stuck with it and persisted. It was fucking hard at times, but thankfully I have a very supportive community, family and partner.
My theory is this: I didn’t have the passion to know what to choose, because I had no idea who I was.
How on earth can you pick a course or direction in life, if you can’t even understand what is going on inside your own mind.
I am where I am now because I don’t need to pretend. I say what I think. I hang around with those that bring me joy and comfort. Things fall into place because I am on the right path.
Don’t worry if you feel like you’re floating around endlessly while everyone else seems to be getting it. You probably just need to do a bit of self digging.
I was actually scared to share this on my website and through social media, but then realised that I have nothing to hide. This is who I am. Take it or leave it honey.
Thanks for reading,
Harry
P.S. I love the outfit in the header photo, it’s quintessential Harry/Genie
Trust Your Instinct
The best and most important lesson that I have taken from this year is to trust your instinct.
Going into 2019, whether you want to change your home, go that different route to work or ring someone you haven\’t spoken to in a while. Do it. That feeling telling you to do something, is doing it for a reason.
Where does it come from? Your gut? Your heart?
For me, I have finished the year feeling very aligned and synchronised with the world. Little things now happen regularly, such as; I think about someone then they call, or I look down at the time and it is showing 22:22. It may sound silly to some, but it has happened to me a silly amount of times every day for the past two months.
When I see something like this happen, I smile, sometimes laugh and give it some present attention. In my opinion, signs like this are life telling me that I am on the right path, and that I should keep going.
Your instinct and its power
Every day, humans make thousands of decisions so they can get through a productive day. Also, whether you believe it or not, a depressed or anxious person\’s brain does exactly the same! (perhaps not the most productive decisions however)
Life is about making decisions about your direction, like taking the chance to learn something new or starting a business. However, often people can get stuck into thinking that it might not succeed because they are too afraid of failure.
Failure is what drives success. Behind every successful person (in whatever you define as success, for me it is happiness) there is a string of failures. Those failures have been initiated by that person\’s instinct telling them to try something.
My biggest failures of 2018 would be:
- Not getting onto a masters course
- This lead to me volunteering at the LGBT Foundation which has been a massive addition to my quality of life
- Failing in making a new kind of relationship work
- This increased my own self confidence
- Working for too long at home in a job, making me very socially anxious and depressed
- This lead to me starting my own business, and becoming more independent
The last one is the most interesting for me, as it is when I started to trust my instinct the most. I walked into the office of my last job at the start of this year, feeling awful and socially awkward. Out of nowhere, my instinct said to me \”hand in your notice\”, and so I did!
Without telling anyone (not even my partner) or making any plans, I left my job purely based on a feeling inside. Sounded crazy back then, but what a fantastic decision that was!
Think about your instinct in 2019, it is your best and most honest guide.
Thanks,
Harry
I don’t drink caffeine
Coffee? No thanks, my face would go numb.
I am sure that most of you reading this blog love a dose of caffeine from a cuppa (Yorkshire tea obviously) or a morning espresso? Not me! I would turn into a mad man, totally unable to function for a few hours.
Society rams it in our faces every day from a young age that having a cup of tea/coffee is what you\’re supposed to do. However, I have changed my habits and now no longer drink caffeine at all, and feel much better from it!
Why should humans need caffeine to function?
The point I made before really rings true for me here in the UK. Every morning I would watch my dad have only a cup of tea (no breakfast) before heading off to work. I would sometimes make it for him because I was such a good son!
Every office I have worked in, the day centers around getting the drinks in. \”Milk and one please\”, \”black as the night love, thanks!\”. I find it such a funny tradition and overall practice, could it even be described as a ritual!?
Most people say, \”I need caffeine because I didn\’t sleep well last night.\” or \”How can you function without it? I would be dead by midday\”.
Thinking about this, can you remember a time before you started drinking tea/coffee? Nope, you were a child.
Why I stopped
A week ago, I went to my local record store, Deco, for a browse. The owner offered me a tea, which I accepted. Unfortunately they had no decaf options so I went for an earl grey.
Half an hour later I was plastered to my sofa at home, raging anxiety and a numb, tingling face. I thought to myself, wow caffeine is horrendous!
Now, this obviously doesn\’t happen to everybody, however I want you to think of how it could affect your daily life. For example: Have you had a small lingering anxiety for as long as you can remember?
Tips for a replacement
So, what do I do instead in the morning?
Glass of water with fresh lemon
- Just use half a lemon per glass, save the other half for the next day.
- Gets rid of any bad breath
- Anti Anxiety & Depression
- Wakes you up naturally
Everyone should try this, it works so well! Packed full of vitamins, minerals and goodness, you can even put the used lemon skin in the fridge to get rid of bad odours…
Raw Cacao nibs
- Sling some with your porridge or smoothie!
This is a fantastic source of natural energy, you can buy it online from various places.
Go to bed better
- Spend 30 minutes before bed winding down
- No phone, no TV, no bright lights, dark bedroom
- Light a candle
- Read or meditate
- Read my blog piece on Managing Mental Health If You Work At A Computer
This one takes more time and effort, but really makes a difference. The reason you\’re so tired is because you\’re not sleeping well!
To conclude, I want to promote the fact that I am now sleeping better than I ever have, my anxiety is reduced significantly, and I am more productive. See you never caffeine!
Thanks for reading,
Harry
Using a freelancer vs an agency
There are so many positives to hiring a freelancer
Warning: this blog post may contain a twinge of bias due to the author being a freelancer :O
This question popped into my head today, after an email from a previous client: When embarking on a piece of work, should you employ an agency, or a freelancer?
There are obviously many benefits to both, but I wanted to outline my reasons why you should choose a freelancer. I hope to think outside the box and not give you something which you may have read before.
Using a freelancer
For any work you need assistance with, there are thousands of individuals that are keen to help you achieve the best possible outcome.
Freelancers, self-employed, consultants… whatever you wish to call them, are professionals with tonnes of experience and a genuine drive to do excellent work.
Speaking from my position, it is within my best interest to do the absolute best work for my clients. This is because:
- They need to be happy with the product or service
- If it\’s not good, I won\’t get paid and can\’t do more work
- I need to promote any new work I complete to show what I do and how I do it
- If they are happy they will recommend me to other people and keep me in a job!
Basically, what I am trying to say is that you would struggle to find a self-employed person who would deliberately do a bad job.
Not convinced? Okay, here are some more benefits of hiring a self-employed person:
- They are cheaper!
- You have a direct contact with the person doing the work
- They will probably be generally happier due to their lifestyle, therefore produce better work
- They will be constantly improving their service
- You are supporting a local person (and their family if they have one)
- You may be supporting a network of self employed people
- They will be more flexible in terms of working out of hours
- Your project will more than likely be a priority
Using an agency
Don\’t get me wrong, there are some AMAZING agencies out there that do fabulous work. It\’s basically a group of freelancers all working together to achieve something cool! Previously, I worked for Alpha Communication, a marketing & design co-op, where we achieved some awesome work for thoughtful organisations.
Business teams can span across various different skillsets, and usually have well oiled systems in place to get work done efficiently, on time and within the set budget.
But (and it\’s a big but), with this comes several things which you may have to consider before going ahead:
- It will be more expensive, unfortunately there is no escaping that!
- You are paying not only for the work, but for several people\’s salaries, equipment, office, travel etc
- Will they be as enthusiastic as you are? An agency could just see you as another job instead of an important project
- Are you a priority? They will also be working on many more projects alongside yours
- Your flexibility is reduced. Most agencies will just work during office hours
- The agency could have one of your competitors as a client already
To conclude, when starting a new project, please consider including a freelancer in the mix. I am very confident you will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
Also, if you\’re looking for a new website, a brand for your business or something else, then definitely consider contacting me (cheeky I know).
Thanks,
Harry
Happiness and how to find it
Here we go… another self proclaimed happiness preacher
I am sure you may have read a self help book with this title and know exactly what I am going to talk about. But honestly I don\’t think you do!
Happiness can be achieved in many ways. Regular exercise, spending time outdoors, enjoying a hug or eating an 4 pack of deluxe triple chocolate cookies in one sitting… I know what suits me! However, this new one I discovered recently is so obvious that it often gets overlooked.
Whenever I would see a whiff of anxiety, or that little voice making me second guess things, my first instinct would be to run. I mean literally… go for a run, or have a bath, doing something for me. Self care, right? I feel crap so I am going to do something just for me, to make myself feel better. Reading this back I think, \’Wow that is so wrong!\’.
Well, the alternative thing to try, and I can confirm it works is: Spend some time helping someone else.
Why should I help someone else?
Whether thats making dinner for a friend, volunteering at a charity or talking to a homeless person for 5 minutes, your intention to help someone is fuel for happiness!
I recently started volunteering at the LGBT Foundation in Manchester on their helpline. It is an amazing organisation that offers advice, support and information services to lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT) communities across the UK and the globe!
Two shifts in, and I can confirm that it is great. Firstly, getting to meet a bunch of fantastic people in the organisation, doing amazing work. Secondly to receive a tonne of training spanning across confidentiality to trans issues, and abuse.
This week I did my first 1to1 pop in with a service user (due to confidentiality I can\’t say much more). I can say that I was absolutely beaming after speaking with them, it felt amazing to know I may have helped them onto a path towards feeling better!
If you don\’t have the time in your day to volunteer with an organisation, perhaps you could help a family member, teach your niece something new or phone a friend who might be in need.
So, why not give it a try! Head down to your local food bank for an hour instead of binge watching Netflix all night (you could still probably squeeze an episode in before bed). Trust me you\’ll feel much happier for it.
Thanks,
Harry
P.S. If you\’re LGBTQ and need help with ANYTHING, give the LGBT foundation a call on 0345 3 30 30 30, also read my blog post on Managing your mental health if you work at a computer if you struggle with your mind.